“There’s nowhere left to fall,
When you reach the bottom”
Flashback to the first time he met her, still remembering the glowing light coming near him with such radiance that he was left blind and speechless till he opened his car door for her. Her stunning gaze locked with his eyes only made things uneasy and no wonder it seemed like love at first sight but what truly is love ??
To her, it was a piece of crap made up to justify two people attracted to each other. It was just a game and there was no such thing as true love she believed. To him, it used to mean everything. People are born in this world only to die. What mattered were the things in between and the feelings you have. It never used to be about the destination for him but the journey that mattered. But at that moment, he realized there was a far more important thing than the journey or the destination. It was the company during the journey which meant everything. And it seemed it was almost in his grasp but fate was not going to give in so easy.
Experiences teach wonderful things, it depends on the way you process the information to draw your conclusions. We are nothing but the amalgamation of everything we have lived through. That is why there are so many diverse opinions in the world and all stand their ground. There is nothing right or wrong in the world. It's just the way people are. But when he was with her it didn't matter what was right or wrong because there was nothing but only one most important thing - her.
Alas, everything is not so simple and straightforward. To her, it was just another friend to spend time with, and to him, it seemed so much more. 500 days of summer is the perfect movie to describe real-life relations. It never is so easy for everything to work as anticipated. Life is full of ups and downs. And so to fall to the bottom, you indeed need to rise to the top. She showed him heaven because of the perfect angel she was.
Time passes quickly when you enjoy it but stops infinitely when you miss someone. The seconds turn into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days, and days into months. Friends were what they were for long because she was everything but his. He being naive only wanted to feel happy when he was with her for the rest of his life. It didn't matter to him whether it was right or wrong, as long as being with her felt like the best thing in the world.
But laws of attraction play an entertaining role and seems like it was just a game. Perhaps some questions are better left unanswered. He promised to remain what she wanted always for the rest of his life if it meant being with her and watching her grow and spend her life to the fullest. But she soon was ready for more and how could he deny what he always dreamt of which was to be with her. It felt the right choice to take it another level and soon he landed in heaven. Always lost in her charms, thoughts which were locked with the only person that mattered the most to him. Gifts, outings, talks, messages, everything felt so real that he could never have thought he was building memories. He only felt like it was the only thing to do at that very moment.
Time heals the greatest of wounds they say, but it also drifts people apart. The good moments feel like they were only there for a couple of seconds and in the end, it always is just the memories that remain. Soon he found himself falling down and further down. The more he tried to do something for her, the more mistakes he made and they grew apart. People make mistakes he thought. Nobody is perfect he thought. But expectations can never be contained. She only did not want to get hurt again and which is why she never completely gave herself up to him. A logical decision you may say from her, illogical guy she was with. A person who still believed in happily ever after and true love could never fathom the pain he caused her with his over the moon optimistic attitude and feeble-minded expectations. Differences, trust, and uncomplimentary traits only resulted in ruptures in their already complicated feelings.
Good things always have to end but when they end they indeed leave a long-lasting mark. He felt alone and empty even when the girl of his dreams was with her. It never seemed the same with secrets she didn't trust him with and the conversations drifting from being about them to about other people that valued more. Priorities changed and it felt it was time to take a break and she did it. He who never wanted to hurt her agreed but the mind is a faithless thing and she wanted him back the same night. It was hard for him for he was confused, clueless, and not aware of where this was going but what mattered was he never wanted to hurt the only thing that mattered the most so he agreed.
Few more days passed but he could not leave thinking about the things she said. Maybe she was only trying to be more truthful for trust is what is the base of every relation is but to him her every truth felt like a stab in his heart. Never realized before she was in so much pain and all he could ever do was not hurt her and add to her misery. All the while hurting himself for he was clueless, mindless, and in the shadow of so many doubts about himself and the world, it sure would catch up soon.
Few weeks after was her birthday and she said it would be the saddest day of her life because of her loneliness. It was their first and he wanted to make her feel special. Special she was, for she was the most significant person in his life. He did everything he could to make her day special. Gifts and chocolates he could come up with to make the occasion special but what she found the most important was not what he did for her but other people who had been with her.
He could have never thought how fate could play out such a dramatic turn of events but indeed it was meant to happen. He soon ended up with some of the worst nights he ever had. Talking with her only led to him feeling worst for all she ever used to say was about how happy she used to be before they met. Not a word about after. It seemed like the best moments had long gone between them but still, all he cared about was her happiness and he felt if it was other things which made her happy, he should let her go.
True love has a habit of coming back - he believed. If you ever love someone deeply, let them go. If they don’t come back, they were never yours. And in one damn night, he told her how he felt and they broke.
It couldn’t be so easy for either of him or her but she was logical. She moved on and he was illogical and never felt the same normal again. He still spoke with her and was friends for he had given his word that he will never leave her side no matter what happens. Every time they spoke, every time he saw her, the flashback replayed in his heart first and then his mind and it hurt him but he endured. He did not want to be like other people who would just leave when things started to go wrong. He felt he was above everyone else but in the end, he was also human. Many drops make up an ocean. His drops were just amalgamating every time he thought of her and how she could never be his.
And soon the final moment came when he could take it no more. It didn't matter that he broke his words for he did not believe in himself by then, who he was or the person he had become. Falling to the bottom of his pit, he found himself lost, not knowing the person at all. He was always a human, a person of flesh and bones who made mistakes and always a selfish one who always prioritized himself over anyone else.
When things turn to get bad, some people fight, some people fall while others pretend they don’t care at all. A few days back, if she ever fought - he would be right beside her. The day she falls - he would be right behind her.
But now at this very moment, it was all or nothing for him. For he had lost himself and everything that mattered to him. Nobody knows what the future beholds but one thing is sure :
“There’s nowhere left to fall,
When you reach the bottom”
